Merry Jizzmass

$JIZZMASS

Jizzmass is coming.

In 2024 he said he was locked in for Xmas. He never said which one. Christmas #1: no show. Christmas #2: no show. But as on the third day, so on the third Christmas: he rises again, on a chopper, with a sack full of blessings.

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Until he arrives

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The Book of Tweets 8:16

The Prophecy

Jizzus Christ

@jizzussolana

I am not stoping now fam...
locked in for Xmas! 💫🎄

The original 2024 drawing of Jizzus riding a chopper through the smoke

2:40 PM · Aug 16, 2024 · 1,206 Views

Fulfilled
View the original scripture ↗

On the sixteenth day of the eighth month, in the year of our Lord 2024, Jizzus mounted his chopper of chrome and spake unto the timeline:

"I am not stoping now fam… locked in for Xmas!"

And the disciples laughed, for it was August. The first Christmas came, and he came not. The second Christmas came, and he came not. And the faders said: he is never coming.

But the faithful left out a cookie anyway. For it is written: on the third day he rose again.

And verily, he never stopped riding. On the third Christmas, he is rizzen.

The Road to the Third Christmas

Christmas #1… #2… keep scrolling →

Aug 16, 2024

The Prophecy

"Locked in for Xmas!" He never said which one.

Dec 25, 2024

Christmas #1

No chopper. Just soot in the chimney. The faders laugh.

No show
2025

The Wilderness

A year in the desert. Forty dips. Tempted by jeets. He does not sell.

Dec 25, 2025

Christmas #2

Still no chopper. The timeline argues. One disciple leaves a cookie out anyway.

No show
Oct 2026

The Stone Moves

Something rumbles in the chimney. $JIZZMASS appears on Solana. The faders get nervous.

Dec 25, 2026

Christmas #3

As on the third day, so on the third Christmas. JIZZMASS.

He is rizzen

The Holy Memetic Bible · Jizzmass Edition

The Gospel

The Holy

Memetic
Bible

Jizzmass Edition

Old Testament: 2024 · New Testament: right now

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tap for a blessing

A nativity parody: baby Jizzus in a manger full of gold coins, wise men bringing a coin, a laptop with a green chart and a gift sack
"For unto you a coin is born, wrapped in swaddling memes and lying in a liquidity pool." — Jizzmass 2:11
Jizzus watching you

He's watching your cursor. He's watching your wallet.

Jizzmass 3:14

He sees you

He knoweth when thou art sleeping. He knoweth when thou art awake. He knoweth if thou hast paper-handed, so HODL, for goodness' sake.

  1. Average hold over 6 hours? You're on the nice list. Instantly.

  2. Under 6 hours? Naughty. Hold $JIZZMASS for 2 hours and you're nice.

  3. Sell everything and the clock resets. He sees you.

  4. Only the nice list receives holder reward fees.

Hover the disciples

The Last Christmas Dinner

A Last Supper parody: Jizzus in a Santa suit at a Christmas table with a frog, a shiba, a dog in a pink hat, a cat, a penguin and other meme animals

One of you will sell before Christmas, probably

Tokenomics · tap to unwrap

Under the Tree

Chain: Solana · Ticker: $JIZZMASS · Utility: vibes, blessings, and a Christmas miracle

Seek and ye shall find

How to Receive the Gift

  1. 1

    Get a vessel

    Download Phantom or any Solana wallet. Write down thy seed phrase. Tell no one, not even Jizzus.

  2. 2

    Fill it with SOL

    Buy SOL on an exchange and send it to thy wallet. Keep a little for gas, as is written.

  3. 3

    Seek the CA

    Copy the official contract address from this site only. Beware of false prophets and fake CAs.

  4. 4

    Swap & be blessed

    Paste it on pump.fun or Jupiter, swap SOL for $JIZZMASS, and welcome to the nice list. Ameme.

Jizzus supervising elves stuffing gift sacks with gold coins under a green chart

The elves are already packing your bags.

Buy $JIZZMASS Dexscreener

Drag them around · tap to open

The Fridge of Huven